From the Aicme Ailm
Age ~ Memory
Oldest of woods, fairest of the ancients, energy of an infirm person, most withered of wood, most pleasant of growth, sword
Color ~ irfind ~very- white
Tree ~ iur, ibar~yew, crann soirb~service tree, edeand~ivy, aiteal~juniper
Bird ~ illat ~ eagle
Note ~ f
Planet ~ Saturn
Consider: How has the past made me who I am?
Associations: ancestors, lore, survival, reincarnation, aging.
Time: Winter Solstice
Healing: for extending life beyond death’s door.
Messages/Uses: the testing of trust, the final passage of the material and mortal, growth through sacrifice, entrance to new beginnings.
Song of Amergin:
“I am the tomb to every hope
Who but I know the secrets of the unhewn dolmen”
Interpretation: This is the essence of the self, that which is inherited from the ancestral past. It is the eternal root of the self. It is the ultimate measure of the passage of the soul from life to life. Idho refers to transformation from one state to another or a movement of some kind. It can be fraught with discomfort and a sense of loss. There is a high likelihood that the letter Idho indicates that there is either ignorance of a certain forthcoming transformation, or that a transformation is imminent. The main challenge is the inner feeling of loss and sorrow. This grief must be worked through before change can be fully understood. Keep in mind that birth always follows death in the endless cycle of creation.
I am, at this point in my life, attempting to rise up out of the fear and hopelessness of the last four years of my life. Those I come in contact with in the daily living of my life, might find those words a bit of a shock, for on the surface, it appears most of the time that I am handling life well. I learned early on, even as a child, to wear the mask of strength and resilience well.
Bouncing back has always been relatively easy for me and I have reinvented my life several times. But I am finding that I am not as resilient nor do I have the inner strength I once had. Fear is the culprit in all of this. I lost a great job four years ago and it has been downhill ever since. I have found myself to be unemployable. Those jobs I could easily and willingly do all seem to require standing on my feet all day and sadly – I cannot stand for 30 seconds without pain. And so these last four year have been years of loss. Loss of home – loss of possessions – loss of my car and with that, my independence. Fear has become an every day feeling and one that keeps me frozen at times, feeling at a loss as to how to turn this downward spiral around.
What has been the most debilitating is the loss of connection with my daughters and my grandchildren. Without their emotional support, without connection to those I love most in the world, it has become increasingly difficult to keep fear at bay. However, in all of this loss, I seem to have had some sort of awakening. The knowledge I have always had and certainly have tried to deny for most of my life is that I have only myself to count on. I only have me to fix what is wrong.
And so I have become an active participant with new resolve to recreate my life. I am in the manifesting part of this renewal. I have been working on an art journal to inspire me. I have a new doctor to help me improve my health and have engaged a therapist to help me achieve my goals and work with me with coping skills so that regardless of what happens within my family dynamics, I remain strong and confident and emotionally resilient.
Idho is a death and a rebirth. It has been expressed in my life these last few years as a tremendous sense of loss. It tells me that transformation is imminent now. I must come to terms with the grief I am experiencing. Finally, I am remembering who I am and calling upon the strength and abilities I have always had.