The Adjectives We Use

The Adjectives We Use

As a practicing witch, feminist, energy worker and a student of life, I am often puzzled as to why, in this day and age, we continue using the terms “masculine” and “feminine” as descriptive modifiers. What exactly does it mean when we call an energy masculine or feminine, anyway?  While I understand that these are descriptors that generally address what are typical characteristics – why do we insist on being so vague, misunderstood and perhaps even, insulting, depending on who we are speaking to?

WORDS COMMONLY USED TO DESCRIBE FEMININITY

Dependent, emotional, passive, sensitive, quiet, graceful, innocent, weak, flirtatious, nurturing, self-critical, soft, sexually submissive, accepting

WORDS COMMONLY USED TO DESCRIBE MASCULINITY

Independent, non-emotional, aggressive, tough-skinned, competitive, clumsy, experienced, strong, active, self-confident, hard, sexually aggressive, rebellious.

In today’s world we are already discussing and understanding that we humans have more than two genders and certainly have more than two gender identities. Are we so brainwashed by the teachings of Carl Jung that we cannot think outside the box or even simplify how we describe people, things and energies but by two gender assumptions?

Why is it so hard to use descriptors that are accurate rather than general assumptions that may be inaccurate?

If someone is sensitive, why is it so hard to say that he is sensitive – is it accurate to say he is feminine?  If I am self-confident, does that make me masculine?

Or if we are describing an energy of a thing that is hot and forceful – why would we call it (the energy) masculine when we can say hot and forceful? And really, how does an energy claim gender identity anyway?

I did a Google search on the merging of masculine and feminine energies and was blown away at how many websites there are that are devoted to that one thing. Do people spend their lives attempting to identify what is masculine and what is feminine within themselves and then finding a way to merge them to become whole? Are we so confused by who we are that we feel we need to identify our strengths and weaknesses, our talents, our personality traits by gender identity?

Many practitioners of Wicca deal in such dualities.  In their magic, they insist on a balance of masculine and feminine – sometimes by the number of each sex in a Circle – other times but the type of energy applied to the magic.  When I first started my studies in magic I was required to learn how to project the energies of masculine and feminine, each by itself, into something else.  I found this very confusing.  I wasn’t sure how to project them without first feeling them.  So I looked for things representative of them to “feel” them and then learn how to project them.  Well, those things did not always feel the way I expected them to feel.  Nor did what I project, always feel like what I thought it should. This led me to a study of my own energies and personality characteristics – who was I, after all?  I have never had a single issue with my own gender identity. I am a woman. I love being a woman.  Truth be told, most to the words used to describe feminine, do not apply to me and yet I have never believed myself to be anything else but fully woman. I am direct, assertive and not so much a nurturer. But I loved being a mother, birthing and raising my children. I am passionate in all ways. I am passionate about what I believe in and I am one who will stand up to speak for those less-abled to speak for themselves. Because I am not a “girly” girl, does that make me less “woman?”

When I first came to the Craft – I identified as Dianic.  Now, there are two different kinds of Dianics floating around out there. Some say Dianic means woman only. I will qualify that however, and say that women need their woman only space and to be honest, my work is dedicated to working with women. But I believe that who comes into a group needs to be determined by the person leading it.  For me, it does not define Dianic. What does define Dianic is that we are all of Goddess – all sexes and all identities. Not a pair who birthed us, but of Goddess – She is Whole – One and we are of Her. Is She Nurturing?  Loving? Fierce? Dark? Light? Bold? As Above So Below – All Things – As am I, All Things.  Not feminine, not masculine, not animus, not anima – but Whole, containing All. Woman.

Personally, I think the terms masculine and feminine are part and parcel born of the patriarchy. Yet another way to separate and divide. How many of us can read that list of feminine descriptors and not see that those words feel “less than?” And the opposite with those defined as masculine.  Not all but most.  The weaker sex – yes?  Not!  Science has already proven that women are built to be stronger – to endure more (again as a general rule!). Those of you who are of my generation know how difficult it was to not grow up feeling “less than.” And if that is what happened – how difficult it has been to claim power for yourself.  I was lucky because I had very progressive parents who saw that things would be different when I grew up.  I was taught to be strong – to make decisions for myself and to believe that I could do anything I chose to do once I “set my mind to it!”

I encourage everyone to really consider the words we use.  How do we define ourselves?  How do we define each other?  What words do we use to describe a thing? An energy? And are we totally a mess inside with two beings, a masculine and a feminine that shall never meet? When something is hot – let’s call it hot.  When something is nurturing – let’s call it that and not say it is feminine.  It really isn’t difficult.  Let’s be clear and use words that really describe something or someone. Let’s step out of the patriarchal terminology and become clear in what we mean. We must start with our words.  The word is sacred.

Spring

SpringAt the highest point on the tree, you stretch, reaching for the sun.

Your pink petals elegant in their grace, you stand alone.

Bravest of all, for leaves have yet to come to offer shade

Branches bare except for furry buds that will soon
follow in imitation of your daring first move.

Intrepid flower of Spring, I feel like you in my yearning for the Sun!

Inanna’s Return and Bread and Waters of Life

Most of us know the story of Inanna’s descent into the Underworld to visit with her sister Erishkigal. The reason for her visit is that Erishkigal’s husband has died and Inanna was a childhood friend of his and she will visit to pay her respects.  As she travels to meet her sister, Inanna must pass through seven gates at which she is asked to remove and part with aspects of herself so that when she approaches Erishkigal she is basically “laid bare.”

Upon arrival, her sister, who is angry because she believes that her husband loved Inanna, hangs Inanna from a meat hook to die.

While Inanna was in the Underworld, Ninshubur waited three days for Her to return, and when she did not, because she thought all was lost, Ninshubur began to mourn for her. She visited the temple of Enki who agreed to help her. Enki knows the nature of the underworld and its rule by a jealous, anguished Erishkigal.  As a god he has the power to create and facilitate. From the dirt under his fingernails, he creates the kurgarra and galatur, instinctual, asexual creatures endowed with the artistic and empathic talent of being professional mourners, capable of mirroring the lonely queen’s emotions.  These little asexual creatures represent the attitude necessary to draw a blessing from the dark goddess. They were commanded to go to the Underworld where they found Erishkigal in the throes of agony and reeling from the misery she has caused. When she moans, they moan with her, appeasing her anguish by the echo of their concern, affirming her in her suffering.  Enki has understood that complaining is one voice of the dark goddess, a way of expressing life, valid and deep in the feminine soul.

When she observes their sympathy she will offer them a gift. They are to ask only for the corpse of Inanna and, having received it, are to resurrect her with the bread and water of life.  They perform the task of bringing Inanna back to life, reviving Her with the gift of the bread and water of life. But as they prepare to leave they are stopped by Anunna who tells them she may not leave unless someone comes in her place.  Inanna agrees to find someone and is allowed to leave.

She returns to Demuzi, her new husband, only to find him enjoying himself, drinking, feasting and making music while she was suffering. She was so enraged that she decides Dumuzi should be the one to take her place in the Underworld.  She directs the Anunna to seize him, which they do. Dumuzi desperately pleads with Inanna to relent, but she turns her back on him. He then appeals to Utu, but he too forsakes him. Dumuzi is carried away.

Inanna’s descent into the Underworld is the Sumerian mythology to explain the Dark Times and the seeming absence of the Goddess.  It is at Imbolc (the beginning of Spring – our Ground Hog Day) that Inanna is given the bread and water of life.  This is the promise of returning life, the first stirring of the Bright Goddess’s return to us. She has not yet returned to her Temple, nor has she chosen Demuzi to be Her replacement.   She is alive – and returning.  It will be at the coming Spring Equinox that Demuzi will be taken to the Underworld.

Hail Inanna!  Blessed Be the Gift of the Bread and Waters of Life!

Retrieved at Inanna, An Opera of Ancient Sumer http://www.craton.net/inanna/main.php?action=synopsis

Retrieved at Library of Halexandria http://www.halexandria.org/dward385.htm

Perera, Sylvia Brinton, Descent to the Goddess, Inner City Books, Toronto, Canada 1981

Water, Spiritual Source

We are creatures of water.  Water is our original source as well as what makes up at least 70% of our bodies. It is part of every cell and fiber in us and is our essence.  What if water were the common denominator weaving all of life (earth, animal, human, and plant) together? Is it what connects us all?   It is pretty incredible when you realize that the water we have here on Earth right now is the same water that has always been here.   Do you suppose there are messages contained within water?  Do you think it is possible for our ancestors to speak to us through water?

When I think about water I am immediately taken down memory lane to the various “waters” I lived near or visited.  As a child I spend several summers on Hermosa Beach in Southern California where the intertidal zone reaches far out, gently sloping to deeper waters.  There is an abundant kelp forest off the shore there in the warmer Southern California waters.  For a child, kelp was the food for imagination, as we dressed ourselves in it, becoming sea monsters chasing each other about! In addition, I found pleasure in popping the pods, which sprayed seawater upon bursting.

I most remember the sand crabs tickling the bottoms of my feet as I walked out to deeper waters. The feeling was often so disturbing that I could not walk any further but had to swim!  What fun we had in scooping up great handfuls of wet sand as the waves receded and watching then squiggle and squirm to get away.  We never hurt them but allowed them to bury themselves in the sand when we released them.

As a teenager, I lived in Carmel where the intertidal zone is different.  There was very little shallow area as the ocean bottom dropped quickly. This caused very different and very dangerous currents for swimming.  There, we had far less kelp.  The kelp did not make it to shore because of the harsher impact tides against the coastline. The water was also much colder here.

As an adult, I lived for a while in Ventura, perhaps 100 miles north of my childhood home.  My favorite beach to visit was at a spot where the river came down from Ojai Valley and met the sea at Sanjon Beach.  The water, as it came onto the beach, was very slow moving, somewhat boggy and sadly, not very clean.  Many seabirds loved it and found good fishing in those waters.  Smooth river rocks covered the beach, which became sand over years of time.  I did not swim there but loved to sit on an old log and just feel the salt air and watch the birds.

As a young teenager I lived next to a lake in Massachusetts.  We were the only residents who lived there year round, the remaining houses serving as summer homes for families living in Boston.  Also, all around us were wet boggy areas filled with grasses and cattails.  In the winter, the lake and bogs froze over providing wonderful spots for ice-skating.  If you walked though the boggy areas, you could find open clearings where the grasses and reeds prevented the wind from disturbing the surface. The ice was as smooth as glass – pure black ice.  That is where I practiced my twirls and spins without fear of hitting bumps.  If you walked out far enough on the lake, you could also find patches of smooth ice.  You had to be careful of bumps and ridges coming out of nowhere.  Along the shoreline the ice was frozen in waves from the wind hitting it as it froze.  The lake and the creek running into it, provided homes for many grasses, water plants, fish, snakes, and turtles.   In the summer, I would often swim out to the center of the lake with my rowboat tied to my ankle by a rope.  There I could sit and sun, and read my book or fish for a while. At times I swam across the whole lake (about one mile)to visit a friend.

While living in Georgia, I lived in a log cabin out away from civilization on an acre and a half with a year round creek running beside the house and a pond in back.  The pond was man made and I don’t think it had been there long enough to develop much plant life.  It was however, a haven for insects and frogs! In the spring, the Spring Peepers put on a performance every evening, singing and chirping – peeping sound back and forth across the pond.  About a month later, the American Toads joined them, sending beautiful tones out across the land.  It was like a symphony between the Spring Peepers and American Toads!

One incredible moment was when a great blue heron flew in over the pond, swooping down and settling on the shore.  He took my breath away!

Some mornings I would take my coffee down to the edge of the creek.  There I would sit in my swing and listen to the rushing water.  All along the banks grew talk grasses and in one place were beautiful yellow, water iris.  I never saw any fish in the creek but I could not get very close to it because of the steep bank.  The bottom was clear but there was moss on some of the rocks.

Here in Austin, right in the middle of downtown, we have Lady Bird Lake, a man-made lake created from the Colorado River.   It is what makes Austin the lovely city that it is.  Greenbelts and parks are everywhere.  The bridges that span across it are the nesting grounds for the largest bat colony in the world.  All along the shoreline trees come right down the edge.  Most are Texas natives.  The city stocks it with bass and sunfish.  When I visit, I find ducks and other water birds, the most spectacular of which are the cormorants that sit high in the tree tops, diving into the lake for their food.

Water plays a huge role in my spiritual life, in that it calls to me to be close.  I am at home in it and beside it.  I learned to body surf with my father before I could swim.  Later, at the age of fourteen, I began teaching others to swim. After attending the Red Cross Aquatic Academy, I trained water safety instructors for the Red Cross and lifeguards for the U.S. Army.

The ocean is my biggest love.  For me it is the most nurturing and welcoming.  It is not however, all peaceful but can also be terrifying!  When I lived close enough, it was Mother Pacifica who took my pain into her healing waters.

Lakes can substitute but to me they are just not the same.  A running river makes a better substitute.  It is clear to me why so many rivers and seas are named for goddesses as they are most holy and nourishing places, teeming with new life.  There are other water spots peppered throughout my life; these are but a few and those that standout the most for me.  I am more than 10 miles from any water sources that I know of and those are very hard to get to for me.  To my body, this feels like a loss, that something is missing in my life.

In Celtic spirituality, the spirit of the land is often embodied in water — in springs, rivers, lakes and later, the sacred or holy wells. The people associate the surface and underground waters of rivers and tributaries as well as all the lands drained by them, with goddesses. Local rivers are the mothers of the clans and the bestowers of health. In Her arms, She carries the overflowing cornucopia of the abundant, giving land.

From Living River …..

“Flowing like a river, like a river to the sea
Love flows through you, and it flows through me…”

I am grateful for the many opportunities I have had to be in or near water. I am profoundly grateful for the spiritual connection it brings to me.

The water right now is the same water from the beginning. It holds within its depths all the energy since the beginning. Imagine how strong this energy is!  The closer we can be to this energy, the stronger the connection.   Is it any wonder then, why we seek this water?  We yearn for the ocean as a child for her mother. When I stand next to a rapidly rushing river, I am thrilled.  The clean cool surface of a pond calms me.

Water is a spiritually nourishing mother, a healer and a source for inspiration.  The message is one of abundance and permanence.  It is no wonder some call Her, Goddess.

The Body of Goddess

In the earliest of times, I believe humans did not see themselves as separate from all that was around them.  All of life was interdependent.  I see this in my own practice today.  When we are born, we are born to a mother.  Our lives are solely dependent on her for survival.  We are birthed by her, nourished by her, protected by her, and sometimes forced out to experience on our own, by her.  She is at first, our own Original Uncultured Mother.  Once we move from her shelter, we begin to experience our world in the same way, looking not only for what nourishes, what protects and what shelters, but also for what we need to be mindful of for our own safety, those forces far out of our control.  Those forces, which were uncontrollable, the ancients held in high esteem, and honored with reverence.

We might see her in all the symbols around us.  If we look at the Earth as the Body of the Goddess we might see her soil as her skin, her rivers and streams as her blood, flowing just as women’s blood flowed.  We would see the oceans as the waters of life bringing forth new beings, sustenance for all.  At the same time, these oceans could be seen as her mighty power, taking and giving with the tides, those same tides controlling the cycles of women’s bleeding times.  We would see the mountains as her breasts, the snow melting and running down her sides into the rivers and streams as her nourishing milk.  We often describe our earth Goddess by saying, “her flesh is the soil; her hair is the trees and other plants.  Her bones are the rocks, and her breath is the wind.  She lies, her limbs and body extended, and on her body, we live.  When it is cold, she shivers; when it is hot, she sweats.  And when she moves, there is an earthquake.”  We see this carried forth in mythology, once written language was developed.  Look at Danu who was the mighty Danube River; Cailleach Bheara, found in ancient Scottish and Irish mythology as the maker of mountains, lakes and rivers.  In Co. Meath, Ireland there is a set of chambered cairns on a hill, which is known as Sliabh na Caillighe, which means “the Hag’s mountain,” or “the witches’ hills.”  Finally, David Leeming, in his book, Goddess: Myths of the Divine Female, describes the cave, “a mysterious damp orifice … maternal wombs … vulva slits, all connected to the mysteries of birth and the source of all life.

In my own practice today, I feel very connected to these ancient people in the ways that I honor the sacred.   I have, for the most part, shed much of my dualistic thinking and reconnected to the whole in my reverence for Goddess.  In my daily living, I find physical ways to immerse myself in her.  When I am able to be by the sea, I stand in Her sacred waters. If I cannot do it in person, I do it in my mind.   Each day I feel Her breath on my skin, and bend to feel the soil at my feet.  I listen to the birds, and on occasion, I am blessed with wild animals at my back door.  The trees are a very real part of my life – my friends – my kin!  From all of these I look for messages to guide my life.  I know that I am dependent of all that surrounds me.  I look to the Sky above me, to the Seas surrounding me, and to the Land beneath my feet, and most importantly, to She Who is the Sacred Fire infusing and inspiring us all.  She is my Original Uncultured Mother.

Three Sisters

From time to time I dive into the idea of seeing the Triple Goddess as Sisters rather than Mother, Maiden, Crone.  I have to confess that the idea of Sister Goddesses, complete in their familial connectedness, representing unity, connection, and interdependency, is very appealing.  We, who practice Goddess Spirituality, strive in our relationships to reflect this in our work together.  Shared power!If I were to look at the sisterhoods individually, I enjoy the Ananke and the Moirae from Greek mythology.  I like them because they represent a balance.  One side setting the standards and the other, enforcing them!  A perfect example of the laws of cause and effect!

The laws and customs of this time caused the oppression of women with very few rising up to any sort of power at all and then, only at great cost.  These goddesses must have arisen from this oppression, for they perfectly reflected all areas of women’s lives.

Living under oppression, there was great need for women to reach out for help.  They needed assistance from their goddesses to help them deal with the peril and confines of their daily lives.  They would need protection and recourse from injustice.

Ananke was an early goddess of inevitability, compulsion and necessity. People referred to her as the “inescapable.”  They said that she was born self-formed as a serpent whose arms reached across the entire universe.  From her very beginning she entwined herself with her mate, Khronos, the god of time.  As a pair, they surrounded the egg of matter or “form.”  As their coils grew tighter, they split the egg into earth, heaven, and sea bringing about the creation of the ordered universe.

They were seen as the “cosmic-circling forces of fate and time–driving the rotation of the heavens and the never ending passage of time.”

She was also the mother of the Moirae.  Under another name for her, she was Adrastea, “incorporeal, her arms extended throughout the universe and touching its extremities.”  (from an email from Max Dashu)

Donna Wilshire calls her “Ananke, the Yolk,” a woman’s core center, her “knowing self,” that part of our wholeness that strives to have everything in right relationship.  This was not because of regulations outside of one’s self, but governed by that inherent self-knowing, deep within.

She is a woman’s voice of authority.  Wilshire states that Teleia allows woman to embrace response-ability which in turn allows Ananke to prosper and grow within.  Those values associated with Ananke such as inevitability, compulsion and necessity are not things brought to woman by outside.  Neither are they forced when they come from her true Ananke within.  What is inevitable and necessary is that she honors that true Ananke within, her own voice of authority and wisdom.

With the passage of time her stories changed.  Her essence grew ever sterner, binding people perhaps to lives without choice.

Her daughters were the Moirae, called the Apportioners.  Individually, they were three sisters, Clotho, the Spinner, Lachesis, the Allotter and Atropos, the Cutter.

They were symbolic of the process of weaving with thread as life.  They were divine midwives – creating a tapestry and weaving individual lives together. All three represent Unavoidability, Necessity, and Ethical Principle.

Women have come a long way in the struggle for “freedom from oppression.” It is in looking at goddesses such as these, as well as Goddess as “whole and becoming” and Goddess who is “growth, merging, and creation” we see that she represents all of life in one whole package, chaos, complexity, unity and diversity, all at once.  For such powerful goddesses to arise in a time when women needed help with the constant oppression under which they lived, just imagine how powerful they could be today, if we called upon their power.  These goddesses share their stories to remind us of the strength and resolve we each carry within.  From this we can go within and pull their strength.  For they are a part of us today and their strength lives within us, giving us the deep knowledge of our own “knowing self.”  As feminists, familiar with oppression, it is important for us to know them and to know they are with us today.

Information gathered  from:

http://www.theoi.com/Protogenos/Ananke.html
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ananke_(mythology)
http://www.maicar.com/GML/Ananke.html

MacDowell, Katherine, The Three Fates: Sister Goddesses, Ocean Seminary College, Monmouth, NJ, 2008

Wilshire, Donna, Maiden, Mother, Crone, Inner Traditions, Rochester, Vermont,  1993

Embody the Sacred – Engaging Through the Senses

The human body is designed to utilize all senses. We, human beings, have drifted away from our natural state through which, at one time, we engaged with all of life through our natural senses, including the intuitive.  This change has come about through our active, stress filled lives in which we seldom slow down to even appreciate what is around us.  We have ignored much of our sensory ability due to a change-over from right brain functioning, which is more imaginative, creative and intuitive, to left brain functioning, which is linear and analytical. Two of our senses are developed out of proportion to the others.  Many people grow up in an environment lacking in exposure to the natural world.  With television, computers and video games we have become residents of an indoor and often sedentary world.

In early civilization, humans and all other animals depended on finely tuned sensory awareness for survival.  We walked the Earth, using those senses for protection, to find food and to move around.  We did not just see and hear our way around but we felt, touched, tasted and smelled in order to survive.

We were at one time a right-brain functioning species but over time, with the development of written alphabets rather than those based on pictures, and a fast paced, artificially constructed environment, we have gradually become mostly left brained in our approach to life.  This keeps us in our heads and out of touch with our bodies as we move through our lives.  This in turn, can leave us disconnected and out of touch with the sacred.  We are meant to be sensuous creatures and were not designed to live out our lives with only our mental bodies.

It is my belief that with conscious practice of the use of the five sense as well as all of the other subtle ways in which we experience life, we can return to fully functioning beings with a full body appreciation of the oneness that we share with all of life.  Through diligent practice we can develop an appreciation for nature, in fact, a return to nature.  Awareness of our inclusion within the web of life will be the result and the benefits of becoming more attuned with nature and the sacred will return.   It is my belief that a return to nature with opened and developed sensory awareness, a greater appreciation for the value of peaceful co-existence will become clear. Engaging in full-body awareness with all of life will broaden our appreciation of the “whole” and our inter-connectedness to the web of life.

As human beings we are capable of having fully “sensing” bodies. We come into this world as infants, somatic in nature – all sensory awareness – without cognitive process – all feeling. Our parents, in their care for us, serve as the cognitive part of our worlds until we reach a certain stage of development then able to move from our full body awareness into our cerebral functioning and thinking processes.

Some of us, out of pure need for survival, developed very quickly into thinking beings, leaving behind completely, our somatic selves, because it was not safe to be in the body. We were in situations where our cerebral functioning was necessary to survive.

Because so many of us grew up in troubled homes, we have few memories of being children. Many of us have very little awareness of being fully alive, expressive, and in our bodies. Many of us left our child self behind and our task now is to retrieve her, to find that child of feeling, the one who experiences pleasurable sensation all throughout her body.

If we are to fully embrace living a magical life it is important to remember how to live in our bodies comfortably and safely. If we re-awaken all of our senses, our awareness is expanded and our perceptions clarify and develop. Without this, our magical life will not develop as it could. Our enjoyment of all that is Sacred will be impeded as if walled in and separated from all that is possible.

When I was a child and I needed to remove myself from what was to me threatening, I found solace in nature. I grew up near the Pacific Ocean and was, from an early age, like Child to Mother, fully attached to the Sea. Even today, just standing with my feet in Her blessed waters, I am relieved of my sorrow and stress. Swimming in her, my body finds total freedom.

When I was no longer near the Ocean, I discovered trees. I climbed them to the highest places to rest my body on their branches and be comforted as no human ever comforted me.

And finally, when no escape was possible other than my room, I had my music. I have always used music to comfort, to heighten, or to fully experience any emotion that I might be having. As a child, I lay on my bed, the music playing next to me.  I felt it course through my body much as I sense energy today, feeling it move, dancing it with my hands, all over my body.

Twenty-five years ago I suddenly became aware how I had lost that sensing, feeling child and how much work I had in front of me to find, heal, and restore her. Now, so linear in my thought processes, so cut off from my ability to express emotion, feeling and yet unable to express, those feelings so long stifled within needed to be opened and embraced. I knew I had to find a way to get out of my head and back into my body.

Over the last 25 years and in the process of finding this again, I have served in the community of women as a Priestess of the Goddess.  When I bring a new woman in to assist in her spiritual growth, within our Sacred Circle, these words are said to her,

“I, Bendis, daughter of Danu awaken the power within you.” (I move my hands over her head and face and say) “These are the senses we have abandoned.” (I press my thumbs to her eyes and say) “To see with acuity,” (I now place the palms of my hands over her ears and say) “to hear with clarity,” (I brush her lips with my fingers and say) “to taste with purity,” (I lightly brush her nose with my fingers and say)” to smell with intensity,” (I then run my hands down her arms to her hands and say), “and to touch with sensitivity.”  I then place my hands over her third eye and say… And now as since the beginning of time, from mother to daughter, from Danu to Her own, “Danu, Bless your daughter. Open her wisdom eye that she may join with us, in a line forever unbroken, Danu’s daughters.”

From this point we begin our journey, walking together engaging with all of who we are, fully embodying the divine, one with the Earth. Be-ing in Her embrace.

Arrogant or Confident?

I grew up as an “Army Brat.”  The biggest impact that had on my life was of having to change schools often.  As an introvert I don’t integrate easily into new surroundings or with new people.  It was not horribly difficult when I attended schools in the military dependent school system but when it was time for me to enter high school, my parents decided that my brother and I needed to be exposed to “normal” life.  What that meant was we were suddenly thrown into small community schools where students seldom experienced the welcoming of strangers.

Teenagers are cruel – well, not just teenagers – children are cruel.  For the most part they are not “other” concerned.  Their focus is on “self” and while a new student in class might be a curiosity to them, in actuality a new student, if smart or attractive, is instantly a threat.  They are perceived of as competition.  I know this because it happened over and over to me as the new kid in town in three out of four of my high school years.

It was hard for an introvert and so I would quietly attempt to find my niche in each new school.  It quickly became evident that I was a good student and, being a pretty new face, I was marked as a threat for the girls already competing for the popular boys.  I was, however, a backward adolescent, a late bloomer, and was put off not only by those ostracizing girls but also by the advances of the guys interested in my new face.

Somehow through my quietness, I was labeled as “arrogant.”  That was something that always confused me because feeling arrogant was not something I could identify with in my lonely world of isolation.  It was not until I was in my mid-thirties, in my first work situation as a supervisor that it suddenly clicked and I understood why I was labeled arrogant.  As a new supervisor I wanted to “manage” my department in a way that I wanted to be managed.  I wanted everyone in my department to be properly trained, to feel totally supported and able to achieve success in their jobs.  Many years later I learned to label this philosophy “servant leadership” but at that time (70’s) it was just my idea of how I wanted to lead my team.  I began having weekly meetings with my team and I quickly learned that these women’s sense of self had clearly been damaged by their patriarchal upbringings.  This was my first time to actually see and witness women thinking they were “less than” or unable to achieve things because of being female.  I know it existed, I just did not see it.  This was my awakening to my own feminist views on life. Prior to this I was simply unaware.

I was raised by very progressive parents.  I was born in the 40’s and graduated from high school in 1960. Clearly I should have been a product of the 50’s, but because of the forward thinking of my parents, I was instead raised to be self-assured, confident and able to stand on my own two feet.  They instilled within me a personal belief system that said “I can do anything I choose to when I set my mind to it!”  So the women in my small accounting department back in the 70’s became the first women I took on to mentor.  It became my job to help them find their own power, to learn that they were smart, beautiful and able to achieve anything they desired.

I also now understood why I was perceived of as arrogant by those girls back in the 50’s. I was self-assured and confident.  I was aware of my own abilities to achieve my desires during a time when girls thought all they were ever going to be able to achieve was to make babies and please some man who provided for them.

Here is one example of my parents in action. When I was in the fifth grade (age 10), my parents were called to school for a conference with my teacher.  I was in trouble for failure to say “yes, mam” to my teacher.  I was not born or raised in the South so saying “mam” was unfamiliar and foreign to me.  I was taught to say, “Yes, Mrs. Skinner” when replying to her.  So my parents had their conference and my father explained to her that I was not raised in the South nor were most of the children she was teaching in the Military Dependent School System and that she was going to have to allow for cultural differences if she were going to be successful with these children.  He told her that as long as I was polite he would not require me to learn “yes, Mam” as a way of replying.

When the conference was over, my father sat down with me and shared what he had discussed with my teacher.  He ended by saying “Certainly if you wish to say ‘yes, Mam’ you can.  However, I hope I never hear you say ‘yes, Sir.’  Never place yourself beneath a man!” This is just one example of a parent looking toward the future for his daughter.

And so, with my first supervisory experience, it became a life-long passion to assist women in finding and claiming their own power.  For ten years I did this work only in the work place but when I came into my own “Goddess Awareness” it became the focus of my spiritual life as well.

Now, seeing women blossom in their own sense of self-worth because they have found the divine within themselves brings me my greatest pleasure.  For a woman to know of her own sacredness, to know how powerful she is, to know that she can achieve her wildest dreams brings the greatest joy imaginable.

Metamorphosis

Sometime between the ages of 35 and 55, give or take, a woman enters a phase in her life that can only be described as metamorphosis. Yes, most call it peri-menopausal or menopausal, but truly such changes occur in each woman’s life at this time and it truly is a metamorphosis.

It is that time in her life when she stops producing as much estrogen but the production is often haphazard, sporadic and certainly unpredictable. This affects every aspect of her life. She might notice her eyes being dry in the morning, feeling like grating sand when she tries to open them. Her bleeding times may come on at different intervals or not at all. She may bleed more – she may bleed less. She may experience hot flashes – you ask, “What does that feel like?” Imagine a wave of hot air hitting you in the back of your neck and head – instantly causing you to break out in a sweat. You might even get red in the face! All of this, of course, is without warning, and happening at the most inconvenient times. You will often exclaim, “Is it hot in here?”

Night sweats – now these are fun! You will find yourself waking up in the wee hours of the morning, sometimes able to go back to sleep but often not. It may take awhile for you to notice that along with this wakefulness come the drenched bed covers and sleepwear! Ye gads!

This, my sisters, is the best of it. There is more you ask? Oh my, yes! Let’s talk about the mood swings! Imagine PMS every day – now, not all day – but all of the emotional expressions of PMS become your regular friends. Bitchiness, bad temper, impatience, foul moods, unexpected tears, and a general “leave me the heck alone” feeling! Your friends and family will wonder what is happening to the sweet, levelheaded woman who used to be in their lives. Actually, this is a very beneficial process of pushing aside all of the garbage we load ourselves down with and the phony fronts we feel we have to put on to be what is expected instead of who we really are. This process is truly a shedding – you are the Sacred Snake of Becoming!

My whole world as I knew it, my relationships with friends and co-workers – everything changed for me when peri-menopause set in.

I had spent my entire life up to that point controlling every emotion, making sure that what surfaced for others to see was “acceptable” to others.  Having been raised in a very “British” home, emotions were something not displayed in front of others.  Not silly laughter, not anger, and certainly not tears.

I had a hysterectomy (uterus only) when I was 43.  Because I had healthy ovaries, I knew that one day I would experience menopause as does every woman.  But somehow, because I no longer had a period each month, it took me awhile to figure out who this new woman was that I was becoming.

Everyone had always known me as steady, level, un-flappable.  Never seen before were the sudden eruptions of temper or the instant fits of weeping.   Even more important was the fact that I also, did not know this new woman emerging.  It was frightening, to say the least.

Fortunately, I had just recently found the Goddess and so when I figured out what was going on with my emotions, I decided to accept this new me and ride the ups and downs, the ever turbulent roller coaster of my life.  I also decided to do it without hormone help and was far too new at this to even consider herbal assistance.

It did not take me long to figure out that my anger would not kill me or anyone else.  I also learned that I did not die from my flowing tears.  I am not sure why I thought I would.  Perhaps I had transferred my earlier fear of parental wrath into fear of the emotions themselves.  One thing I did know, I was free of that paralyzing fear – free of embarrassment and free to fully experience the “feeling” me, the emotional woman I had buried deep inside.  Gone were the muscle spasms of pent up tension.  Gone were the headaches I had suffered for years.  Gone too, were those I thought to be friends but who were not accepting enough to accompany me with love on this ride.  Surprise, surprise, I have never missed them!

If your friends wonder – share that with them. Tell them that you are the Sacred Snake shedding Her skin! You may even feel like “hissing.” This is your time of metamorphosis and in the end, a magnificent Crone will appear. Guaranteed!

Oh, did I tell you that your hair will mysteriously disappear from all over your body as well? Ye gads, someone ought to tell you that pubic hair is not forever! Nor are thick eyelashes or shapely eyebrows. Those will suddenly grow in every direction imaginable. You might even get nose hair! The good news is you won’t have to shave your legs near as often and if you are like me – you will just quit shaving altogether!

All of this is your practice zone for the Crone that is coming. The Crone who won’t give a darn what people think. This is your training ground for letting go of all of those “people pleasing” ideas. This transitioning time will allow you to test the waters for being outrageous and of course, will give your friends and family a taste of what is yet to come! This is your time to shed all the cumbersome clothing and the clinging trappings of a sedate life and learn to fly – even if one day you might need a cane!

My advice for you is to accept this as a normal part of your life. Welcome the surging emotions for it may be the first time in your life that you can actually feel them fully as well as find new ways to express them. Love them, for they come from you. They will force themselves on you, so become their friend.  Love yourself. Give all the loving care to yourself that you would to a beloved “other.” Follow a healthy diet. Learn ways to adjust to these changes gently. Make your bath your comfort zone, complete with soft music, candles, and some sweet smelling herbs. Be patient with yourself. Forgive yourself. Most important of all, be your authentic self. You are a beautiful wonder!

In Dianic Craft, the Fall Equinox is the time we honor the peri-menopausal woman.  She is Woman Coming Fully into her Power.  She displays the unbounded limits of her own self.  She explores and shares the amazing power of her emotions, now less contained, now erupting in a glorious array of color and sound.  She is emerging as Woman Glorified!

We dress her in blazing color – the oranges, red, and russets of the Harvest Season, for this is surely her harvest.

Jodi

Jodi outside, tough as nails
Brightly colored tattoed skin
Jodi inside, soft as silk
Never nurtured by mother’s milk.

Hurt by life, this child of pain
Hurt by those whose love she’d gain.
Battered, beaten, bruised and torn
By those around her she was scorned.

She tries her best to be fierce
Her toughness hides her fragile self.
Inside her soul, the gentle fawn
Dares not be another’s pawn.

With her friends she seeks to grow
Goddess led, she now knows
That love will heal the hurt and pain
And through knowledge she will gain.

She must start her life again
As if a child in school, begin.
She must read to get ahead
And learn the rules as she’s led.

Someday she’ll see she has no need
For smoke and stuff to hide her pain
The Lady wants her pure and clean
On the Goddess she can lean.

It is not easy to learn to love
When love’s not taught.
It’s not easy to hide the dread
When lovers find new paths to tread.

I hope her teachers guide her well
And teach by doing what they say
Living smart and choosing right
Showing that the path is bright.

When Jodi learns to love herself
Then love from others will be a boon
Not a need to fill a hole
But fluffy frosting for the soul.

Deanne (who knows when – many years ago)