In a Moment of Despair

at times
all seems lost
laid off and
no work for an old woman
first the home
then the furniture
then the car
now I either walk or take the bus
living in one room
in a house full of strangers.
ignored by children and grandchildren alike
alone to face challenges
perhaps too large to overcome
hardest to understand are the daughters
is it that they can’t stand seeing me
no longer invincible?
do they misinterpret
all that I have done to stay alive?
do they think I ever had any choices?
It is interesting
that they think
that when I ask for their support
they think I mean money
and when I lost my job
the first remark was well,
you can’t stay here.
it is so simple
to pick up the phone
now and then to ask
how are you Mom?
or to offer a ride
to see the great grandson
I am wondering now
who are these creatures
birthed from my womb
grown and uncompromisingly cold
and without compassion?
I used to think
they were my greatest accomplishment
and now I wonder
why I had them
so I am learning to toughen my shell
to harden my heart
and to find ways
to live without them
so that it doesn’t kill me.
the good thing is
I have friends and sisters
who let me know
I am valued and loved.
and I have my trust in life
that all is not really lost
that I am never really alone
that who I am and what I do
touches the lives of others
in beautiful ways
with that I move forward
bringing myself back
to a place of strength
because I am determined
that life will not defeat me
I will find love
and I will find joy
in the small things of life
and in that I will find peace.

If I Tell You

If I tell you what I feel
Don’t be offended or take on some sort of guilt.
If I tell you what I feel
Don’t think that my feelings imply blame.

If my feelings rise to the surface
Allow space for the thought that they are mine
For in their expression, simply wish to be spoken.

As I learn to tell you my feelings
I will search for an honesty of expression
Sharing – simply sharing what is felt.

For without words coming to the surface
there will never be a way to know me.

I Don’t Know

I don’t know where I came from – really
Except that this form birthed from my mother’s womb.

I don’t know really – what comes after my body is no longer
able to hold who I think I am.

I don’t know really – what I am supposed to do
With this life I have been given
Except to be open to whatever comes along
or to what I create.

I don’t know really – where anything comes from
Or is going.
I do know really – that we all came from the same source
And will always be together.

Connection

When I deeply listen to you
It is as though
All the walls I have built around myself
Disappear.
That space between us
No longer exists
As a boundary between strangers.

The oneness of who we are
And the whole of who we are
Creates new patterns of being.
When I deeply listen to you
Understanding and a deep knowing
of our shared experience
Connects me to you in a way that is holy.

All that I Can Be

Oh, that my eyes be open
May I see to every side
Above and below me
Within and all about.

May my words speak my feelings
So that you can understand
The depth of my emotion
My joy and yes, my pain.

Oh that my heart be open
To give and to receive
May love be what moves me
in all that I can be

As the hawk flies above me,
May I be like he
My far seeing eyes missing nothing
As far as I can see.

As the sweet rose before me
Unfolds as it must
May I open fully
In love and in trust

As water flows over rocks
And down this wide stream
May words come like healing
Through prayers and in dreams

Widgets and Gidgets

Widgets and gidgets and wickety pop
Things I have and things I got.
Things of beauty and works of art
Things of which I am a part.

All collected and put away
To savor and hold another day.
Books and papers and magical things
Beads and baubles and silver rings,
All mementos of yesterday.
I touch and hold and wish to play
And dance the music of the past
All saved to make my memories last.

Wrapping and boxing I recall
Dreams and lovers, good times all.
Friends and happenings all come clear
These are things that make life dear.

So I’ll keep them a little bit longer
To make the future that much stronger
If I remember what’s said and done.
Then I’ll not fear what’s yet to come.

when I could finally say goodbye …

listen listen listen to my heart song
women singing, dancing round
moving in counter-circles
facing with eyes meeting

listen listen listen to my heart song
I will never forget you I will never forsake you
suddenly, our eyes connecting
after seven years my heart lurches

a sob escapes
what is this?

and the dance moves on

tears form and fall
love lost memories now escaping not forgotten
our eyes meeting so fast so quick
long lost

I will never forget you
I will never forsake you
listen listen listen to my heart song

~ Deanne Goddess Festival 2008 ~

My thoughts today ….

My Soul is one with Source.
My Body, one with the Earth.
My Spirit is my joyous connection between the two.
I am perfect just as I am.
I am guided by my Spirit
And my Spirit walks in the Light.
I enjoy perfect health
And all that I need and desire is mine.
The Universe offers richness of experience
And it is mine to enjoy.

I send love to those I love.
I send love to those
Whose actions have caused me pain.
I send love to my community.
This love goes to all regardless of the lives they live
For I have no wish to sit in judgment.
I send love to the nation
To those in power and those they serve.
I send love to the world
To those who control and to those controlled.

I send joy to those I love.
I send joy to those
Whose actions have caused me pain.
I send joy to my community.
This joy goes to all regardless of the lives they live
For I have no wish to sit in judgment.
I send joy to the nation,
To those in power and those they serve.
I send joy to the world,
To those who control and to those controlled.

I see healthy food on every table.
I see clean water for all to drink.
I see pure air for all to breathe.
I see a world where peace resides,
Where kindness is shared with all.

I see a world where women are not treated as less than
Nor their bodies abused by those who need to dominate.
I see a world where all children are safe from predators
And who can once more play in nature, unafraid.
I see people of all color,
People of all faiths,
People of all sexual orientation
Living compassionately side by side.

I see children in every land
Whose bodies are healthy and plump.
I see mothers and fathers living in peace.
I see myself, my heart overflowing with love
Sharing with others for the joy that it brings.

I see you my friends, at my side
Living and laughing and loving
And knowing that all is well.

Deanne Quarrie October 2011

Eurynome

from space I arose
awake in the great nothing
that is all potential.
the great swirling field
the empty void of space ~
all that can be
all that is ….

my joy, so complete,
be-ing overcome with delight.
my body moved
in ecstatic pleasure
ripples of laughter
bubbling forth, I am
lost in my intensity …

I dance forth creation
dividing earth and sky
dancing on the waves,
birthing the north wind
creating in my joy.
lost in my dance
I am all that is.

Deanne Quarrie June 1, 2003