The Adjectives We Use

The Adjectives We Use

As a practicing witch, feminist, energy worker and a student of life, I am often puzzled as to why, in this day and age, we continue using the terms “masculine” and “feminine” as descriptive modifiers. What exactly does it mean when we call an energy masculine or feminine, anyway?  While I understand that these are descriptors that generally address what are typical characteristics – why do we insist on being so vague, misunderstood and perhaps even, insulting, depending on who we are speaking to?

WORDS COMMONLY USED TO DESCRIBE FEMININITY

Dependent, emotional, passive, sensitive, quiet, graceful, innocent, weak, flirtatious, nurturing, self-critical, soft, sexually submissive, accepting

WORDS COMMONLY USED TO DESCRIBE MASCULINITY

Independent, non-emotional, aggressive, tough-skinned, competitive, clumsy, experienced, strong, active, self-confident, hard, sexually aggressive, rebellious.

In today’s world we are already discussing and understanding that we humans have more than two genders and certainly have more than two gender identities. Are we so brainwashed by the teachings of Carl Jung that we cannot think outside the box or even simplify how we describe people, things and energies but by two gender assumptions?

Why is it so hard to use descriptors that are accurate rather than general assumptions that may be inaccurate?

If someone is sensitive, why is it so hard to say that he is sensitive – is it accurate to say he is feminine?  If I am self-confident, does that make me masculine?

Or if we are describing an energy of a thing that is hot and forceful – why would we call it (the energy) masculine when we can say hot and forceful? And really, how does an energy claim gender identity anyway?

I did a Google search on the merging of masculine and feminine energies and was blown away at how many websites there are that are devoted to that one thing. Do people spend their lives attempting to identify what is masculine and what is feminine within themselves and then finding a way to merge them to become whole? Are we so confused by who we are that we feel we need to identify our strengths and weaknesses, our talents, our personality traits by gender identity?

Many practitioners of Wicca deal in such dualities.  In their magic, they insist on a balance of masculine and feminine – sometimes by the number of each sex in a Circle – other times but the type of energy applied to the magic.  When I first started my studies in magic I was required to learn how to project the energies of masculine and feminine, each by itself, into something else.  I found this very confusing.  I wasn’t sure how to project them without first feeling them.  So I looked for things representative of them to “feel” them and then learn how to project them.  Well, those things did not always feel the way I expected them to feel.  Nor did what I project, always feel like what I thought it should. This led me to a study of my own energies and personality characteristics – who was I, after all?  I have never had a single issue with my own gender identity. I am a woman. I love being a woman.  Truth be told, most to the words used to describe feminine, do not apply to me and yet I have never believed myself to be anything else but fully woman. I am direct, assertive and not so much a nurturer. But I loved being a mother, birthing and raising my children. I am passionate in all ways. I am passionate about what I believe in and I am one who will stand up to speak for those less-abled to speak for themselves. Because I am not a “girly” girl, does that make me less “woman?”

When I first came to the Craft – I identified as Dianic.  Now, there are two different kinds of Dianics floating around out there. Some say Dianic means woman only. I will qualify that however, and say that women need their woman only space and to be honest, my work is dedicated to working with women. But I believe that who comes into a group needs to be determined by the person leading it.  For me, it does not define Dianic. What does define Dianic is that we are all of Goddess – all sexes and all identities. Not a pair who birthed us, but of Goddess – She is Whole – One and we are of Her. Is She Nurturing?  Loving? Fierce? Dark? Light? Bold? As Above So Below – All Things – As am I, All Things.  Not feminine, not masculine, not animus, not anima – but Whole, containing All. Woman.

Personally, I think the terms masculine and feminine are part and parcel born of the patriarchy. Yet another way to separate and divide. How many of us can read that list of feminine descriptors and not see that those words feel “less than?” And the opposite with those defined as masculine.  Not all but most.  The weaker sex – yes?  Not!  Science has already proven that women are built to be stronger – to endure more (again as a general rule!). Those of you who are of my generation know how difficult it was to not grow up feeling “less than.” And if that is what happened – how difficult it has been to claim power for yourself.  I was lucky because I had very progressive parents who saw that things would be different when I grew up.  I was taught to be strong – to make decisions for myself and to believe that I could do anything I chose to do once I “set my mind to it!”

I encourage everyone to really consider the words we use.  How do we define ourselves?  How do we define each other?  What words do we use to describe a thing? An energy? And are we totally a mess inside with two beings, a masculine and a feminine that shall never meet? When something is hot – let’s call it hot.  When something is nurturing – let’s call it that and not say it is feminine.  It really isn’t difficult.  Let’s be clear and use words that really describe something or someone. Let’s step out of the patriarchal terminology and become clear in what we mean. We must start with our words.  The word is sacred.

She Changes Everything She Touches

She Changes Everything She Touches and …
Everything She Touches Changes….
As a way of entry to this post, I wish to let readers know that this is written as a critical part of the work shown below. It is the work of an accomplished priestess and how she has been reminded as to what she knows about manifesting wants and needs in her life. It is personal and it is real. In my professional life I was big on accountability and know that it applies to my magical life as well. This post therefore witnesses my intentions!

I have been feeling horribly scattered lately, almost as though I have acquired ADHD in my old age. Each day is incredibly busy and yet at the end of the day, when I reflect on how busy, I realize I have not gotten anything productive done! I have a lot of irons in the fire and recently have added even more. I added them because they seem important, as they might prove helpful to me for accomplishing some of my goals.

So, I was talking to a friend on the phone the other day, lamenting about this as well as other things that I wish to develop in my life that have to do with family and friend connections and spending more time with in-person relationships.

At the end of our conversation, in which my friend used her skills at listening, she remarked, “Bendis, you are a remarkable woman and have accomplished so much in your life. You have shared marvelous things with your students, but in listening to you, I can clearly see that you have not used what you teach in your own life.”

She Changes Everything She Touches and …
Everything She Touches Changes….

I stopped and took in what she had just said and realized that she spoke the truth. When I have used my own skills at manifesting, magic happens. I am a very good at manifestation. How could I not apply what I know to my own life? Of course, it is all part of the apparent ADHD that I really don’t have. What I have is a lack of goal setting, a lack of organization. I knew I had to create an action plan and include in it, a heavy dose of manifestation magic that has been lacking.

A synchronistic event followed on the very next day when I attended an all-day training that is part of my part time job with local digital inclusion efforts. The topic for the day was Goal Setting and Goal Achieving. Step-by-step I was taken through a process that is identical to what I teach my students when they first come on board in my mentoring program. Duh! Did I need a two by four?

I was encouraged to pick one goal. That immediately put a road block in front of me because I had at least five goals that sat at the top of my list, not one of them any less important that the others.

She Changes Everything She Touches and …
Everything She Touches Changes….

So here is what I am working on:

Goal Setting and Achievement

Part One – Self-Analysis

Where are you right now in terms of your goals and satisfaction level?

I am not where I want to be. I am feeling scattered. I feel completely disorganized. At the end of the day I feel as though I have not accomplished anything.

What do you feel needs to be done?

I want to improve my writing skills. I am a published author but I want to find more venues to publish my articles. I am exploring art as a therapeutic process and want to make time for it. As a teacher/facilitator of personal growth I want to add audio and visual medium to my classes I teach. I want to finish my new school, Dancing with Goddess. I love to learn and need to complete the classes I have started. I need to make sure to allow time for spontaneity in case social opportunities arise because I need to strengthen my support system here where I live.

What are your professional liabilities and weakness that you want to minimize and/ or eliminate?

I am currently not at all organized. I have great organizational skill that I am not using. I have not created a schedule for myself in order to complete things. I am spending way too much time on things that are not productive. I am not practicing what I teach!!! I am not using my magic!

She Changes Everything She Touches and …
Everything She Touches Changes….

Goals and Action Steps

Goal # 1 My Own Learning Path

1. Create time slot on schedule
2. Start the classes
a. Do 2 – 3 units per week on #1 priority classes
b. Fill in, if time is available, with fun ones
3. Stay on track

Goal # 2 My Online Schools for Others

1. Create time slot on schedule
2. Figure out how to get classes to front page
3. Figure out payment set up
4. Networking

Goal #3 Personal Support System

Friends

1. Pay attention to what opportunities are right for me
2. Make sure to go
3. Show appreciation – follow up with “thank you” and express the desire to be included again.

Family

1. Express needs to family
2. Be supportive of theirs as well
3. Communicate often

Goal #4 Writing – Improve & Publish

1. Create time slot in schedule
2. Write every day
3. Network to find places to publish blogs and anthologies
a. look for anthologies (books) to write for.
4. Use books on hand for writing improvement

Goal #5 Get Healthy – Lose Weight & Workout

1. Begin a different eating schedule – breakfast early
2. Stop eating by 7:00 pm
3. Eat small portions – use small plate
4. Plan menus ahead
5. Schedule 1 trip to 24-Hour fitness weekly
6. Walk 2 days weekly

She Changes Everything She Touches and …
Everything She Touches Changes….

Magical Goals and Action Steps

Goal # 1

Create an altar in my home where I can sit at the beginning of each day to plan and review resources and again at the end of each day to review what has been achieved.

Goal #2

Create a Vision Journal to set intentions and record achievements. The Vision Journal will live on the altar.

Goal #3

Include art each week at least on one day for 2 hours. Include magical intent built within art pieces.

I am currently creating my calendar, with a plan to make each day look as if I am going to work. My job is to accomplish the goals I have set out for myself. I will go to work at a certain time, accomplish my listed tasks for the day and then close my business day. I will allow for flexibility and spontaneity should I have an opportunity for social engagements that will build my support system.

I will be posting this on my own personal blog Her Breath along with follow up as I accomplish these goals. I will make every effort to include any changes I make as well as fun magical things I will be doing to make these goals manifest in my life!

She Changes Everything She Touches and …
Everything She Touches Changes….